A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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