I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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