I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
