i just had sex bonerless
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
