yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
