Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
