I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize