saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
