my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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