you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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