my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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