Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
