Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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