Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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