Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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