just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
