the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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