I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
