So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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