How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
