This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
