State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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