dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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