the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
