Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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