Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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