I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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