I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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