just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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