We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
