Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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