I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
