I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
