facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
