you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
