theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize