she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
