Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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