So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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