just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
