That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
