I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
