The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
