I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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