I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
