So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
