Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish my penis had a tongue
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
