I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
