i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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