I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no, he came in my armpit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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