my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
