I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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