If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
