True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
