So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
