He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
