He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
