you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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